Tag Award..

Stef from "when Life Hands You a Broken Heart", has nominated my blog for a "Tag" Award. Now I must tell you seven things that you may not know about me, and then tag 7 people.

1.While doing research for our family tree, my aunt discovered that we are descendants of President Andrew Jackson.
2.I started writng poetry when I was six, ofcourse most of my early poems had alot of frog,bog,log and fox,socks,rocks in them.(can you tell how much I loved Dr. Seuss when I was growing up?)It wasn't until my child was born with a life-threatening heart condition that my poems became more heartfelt.
3.Lost is my favorite tv show, I never miss it!
4.I am really quite shy in person...just ask those who know me :)
5.My mom came very very close to naming me Jolene, after the Dolly Parton song of the same name!(Luckily my dad didn't get his way or I might be Apollo-yes, he loved all things in regards to space travel)
6.I would love to publish a book, but the fact of the matter is...I am a terrible procratinator.
7. I struggle with the why's of life constantly, but my faith in God is what keeps me going...everyday.

I should have added the fact that I am technologically inept. I am still not sure how to add the blog names as a link:)

http://jilliansommers.blogspot.com/

http://schroedermatters.blogspot.com/

http://laurensheart.blogspot.com/

http://lindsaysheart.blogspot.com/

http://wodzisz.blogspot.com/

http://babygirlbutcher.blogspot.com/

http://keepingupwithchristian-heartbaby.blogspot.com/

A doll for Christmas...

So many Christmas's ago,
When I was little too,
I'd wait so ever patiently,
My turn would come...I knew...
The presents were ripped open,
The best was saved for last,
A doll...my doll...yes every year,
The same as each year past.
We'd go into our playroom...
(we dressed our babies there)
And play a game that we called "house..."
"What will my baby wear?"
Baby Alive came one year,
And I'd mix up that slimy green goo,
Baby alive always opened her mouth,
And she'd happily swallow and chew.
No feeding tube to contend with,
No pump to beep..." all done",
A spoon held to her willing mouth,
Wow...feeding time was fun!
Baby Soft Sounds came next year,
She cried when she wasn't held tight,
Luckily...I could still sleep,
(Mom turned her off each night)
No wires held me powerless,
To hold my child near,
No doctor's rounded daily,
I had nothing to fear.
Next came... "Baby All Better",
With thermometer...to play,
Just a little cool water,
And her fever went away.
No countless calls to the hospital,
No...trips to the E.R.,
A splash of water...all was well,
No need to drive so far.
Rarely did our game include,
Our babies getting "sick",
But if and when...this did occur,
A shot...would do the trick.
Out came the Fisher Price medical kit,
The doctor would make it okay,
It had all of the tools we needed,
To take any owies away.
Motherhood was easy,
It ended for the night,
By tucking our sweet babies in,
Then kissing them..."goodnight".
Perhaps life just isn't that easy,
And childhood dreams go unfiled,
Locked away for a season,
Refound in the eyes of a child.
No this isn't the life I imagined,
While rocking my doll with a smile,
I never imagined that being a mom,
Could come with a heartwrenching trial,
But God chose him just for me,
And God must know me best,
I am the mom of a heart child,
Loved and richly blessed.

~Stephanie Husted

Crying over blue toes...

Every once in awhile it hits me yet again...out of nowhere. Strange how that can happen. One moment you are layering a fabulous lasanga, the next you are feeling the tears well up in your eyes, because your child just put on his own coat, or tried to tie his own shoe...or...well don't get me started. How often I think to myself...he shouldn't be here, and I just quicky reprimand myself for thinking such a thought. Why shouldn't he be here?

Because we almost lost him twice.
Lost him...I cannot even comprehend that.

Monday was one of those days...
All was well, Braeden was taking a bath filled to the hilt with foamy white bubbles, and in the very next instant...bam...tears.
Why was I crying? Because his toenails were blue. No they weren't really any bluer than normal, but it hit me right then, for some weird reason...he isn't better.
We will always face the fears, we will always wonder... he isn't fixed...he will always have this heart defect. I think that it hits me especially hard after the death of another heart child. Evan passed away this week, he was seven years old.
I read somewhere that we cannot cope, if we have no hope. I digress...
You may find me crying over pancakes one day, or a sappy Hallmark commercial or even over a bubble filled tub.(over blue toes)but I hope you will never find me saying that I have lost all hope. Please keep Evan's family in your prayers...we are getting ready to leave for his visitation, and I cannot imagine what his family must be going through.

No matter what happens...
Our lives hold surprises...
One thing remains constant...
The sun always rises...
When trials surround us...
When things are just fine...
One thing is certain...
The stars will still shine...

Today...we received the most troubling news...
The doctors told us...we must choose...
A chance at life... all we can give...
Our hope...our prayer...let our child live.
You see...they told us something's wrong...
The heart within you...is not strong...
What will we have to put you through?
Oh Lord...I don't know what to do.
And the stars will still shine...
By the light of the moon...
And if God be willing...
We'll be holding you soon.


Today...we welcomed you at last...
As time...just seemed to move so fast...
Before we knew it...here you were...
I still cannot stand what you'll have to endure.
I held you close...and stroked your hair...
Wishing...that...life were more fair.
No matter what happens...somehow we will cope...
I'll give you a chance...I'll hold onto hope...
And the stars will still shine...
In the midst of our pain...
And the sun shines it's brightest...
Only after the rain.

Today...we'll have to let you go...
I thought...I was prepared...
Today...I'll let you leave my arms...
Your heart must be repaired.
And God must be right in this room...
(To prevent me from falling apart)
And I can only pray...Dear Lord...
Please let them fix...his heart.
And the stars will still shine...
When the storm grows anew...
You hold our son's life...
And our trust is in you.

Today...an example...of God's loving grace...
We're on our way home...we're leaving this place!
This hospital room...was our home for awhile...
It has seen every tear...it has held every smile.
Homeward bound...Lord can we do this?
One day at a time...I know we'll get through this.
And the stars will still shine...
And we've prayed for this day...
And we see peaks of sun...
Through the clouds dark and gray.


Today...some friends... so very dear...
Have had to face...our greatest fear...
They lost their child...how can this be?
My hearts breaks for...this family.
I still see his face... as I whisper his name...
And then it sinks in...things will not be the same.
And as we watch our child thrive...
We wonder why their child...didn't survive.
And the stars will still shine...
Through the anguish and pain...
And the light that they left here...
Will always remain.

No matter what happens...
(What can we expect?)
Of life with a child
With a heart defect?
And "defect" doesn't...
Seem quite right...
I prefer...precious...
In HIS sight.
And the stars will still shine...
And perhaps one will fall...
Your that one shooting star...
That surprises us all.

~Stephanie Husted

A Special Recipe...

I didn't try turkey...


Potatoes or pies...


I'd much rather eat...


My own "special" surprise...

He wouldn't eat the good stuff on Thanksgiving, but he loved the taste of this yummy concoction :)




Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!
On another note a heart family very dear to us, lost their son Evan on Friday, please keep them in your prayers.

The Little Engine that COULD...

I read him my favorite book yesterday, I think that he liked it.
Chug...chug...chug...puff...puff...puff...ding dong ding song...
The little train rumbled over the tracks, she was a happy little train.

I rub his little back, as I turn the page, he seems very concerned about the plight of this happy blue train. Nobody wants to help her, and she just wants to get to the other side of the mountain to deliver her gifts to everyone on the other side. No one thinks that it is possible for her to perform such a task. I can certainly say that I see Braeden's life in this story. Like so many others, a doctor that I had never met took my hand, as he tried to tactifully bring up the fact that there were "other" options. "You are too far along to terminate the pregnancy here, he said, but there are a few states where it is still legal. Can you imagine?
I spoke with another mom whose son was diagnosed with HLHS when Braeden was about 15 months old. He wasn't walking yet, or talking much, or doing all of the things that your average 15 month old was doing, but his smile, and determination became my most constant reminder to never give up. Life is worth fighting for...how often I allow myself to forget. I sent this new heart mom his picture, and I shared with her our story, and the story of oour other heart buddies that were doing well. She emailed me a few weeks later to thank me, and also to let me know that she had terminated the pregnancy. Her words left their mark on me,"We decided we want a healthy child".

I had a hard time with her choice of words.

Sometimes I find myself sad...perhaps I have no right.
My child is here, while others are not. I desire normalcy...and find fear in uncertainty...

I can imagine watching shiny perfect trains going back and fourth up and down the steep mountain.(Forgive my analogy here)
As the mother's sit chatting happily,and sipping their hot tea...I watch my child struggling to make it up the first incline, that the others seem to do with little effort.
I am watching, my feet ready to go help him should he fall, or give him a gentle nudge should he recquire one.
I listen...but in a way, I am not, and could not ever be a member of their club. I know that they did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve my complacency, but we have little in common.
"Look Marjorie, said the youngest of the mothers. ""Do you see how my Johnny goes up and down the mountain with such ease, he is strong and mighty like his father". "Oh and so he Ameila, said Marjorie. "Why my Aron has three blue ribbons for his speed". They gaze my way with a mixture of pity and kindness, as I wach my little one just making it up to the second incline. "You shouldn't worry so, one of them says to me,"Everyone does things at their own pace". I smile and mouth the words,"thank you". Their kindness is there, and yet a part of me feels like I will never belong.
If you do not live in the shadow of death, you cannot comprehend it. I could share countless stories about friends, as well as family who do not understand where I am coming from. The uncertainty of your child's life hanging over you...the wondering how quickly things can change...the gradual acceptance that it is all in God's hands. It is a dance...changing from one moment to the next. A blessing to be sure...but there are days when it does not feel that way, especially the days when a fellow heart family loses their child. Part of you went with that child, not only in grief for their loss, but in hope for your own.

I think I can...I think I can...said the little train.
Chug..chug...chug...
Puff...pufff...puff...

I should consider myself blessed, to be a witness to such a miracle.
Nothing that he does comes easily.
Everything is harder for him, and as a mother...
Well, sometimes it hurts.
I am not always sure if it is him that I hurt for, or it is my hopes gone astray...
I wonder what it would be like to be that person, who thinks that nothing bad can happen ...just once more.
That we live in a world where prayer can change the outcome of every sick child...
That there are always happy endings...
I listen attentively as friends tell me how badly they want their child to place first on the track team, or make head cheerleader and I think...
I hope that we have more time...a multitude of more time.
Is it wrong that they are proud of their children's wonderful accomplishments?

Absolutely not!

I am the one who has changed. I cannot help it. I revert from a little jealousy to alot of gratitude. One day at a time.(Forgive me Lord, I guess I am only human afterall)

The sounds of the other mothers talking is drowned out, as I watch my child drift slowly downward...
He had reached the top!
And as he comes back down...huffing...I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could...

I will be here waiting...because I always knew this day would come.

CO 1:27 but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.

Happy Birthday Braeden...

You are five today...and as much as I wanted to write an amazing post about just how wonderful the last 5 years have been, I was awake half the night trying to keep your fever down. You are sick today, and as I wait to hear back from the pediatrician I realize that my plans for letting you pick a special activity for this evening are going to have to wait. A reminder that life never goes according to our plans :) I asked you what you wanted for your birthday last night, and you said, "Taco Bell" (This coming from the child who eats almost nothing)I had to smile...Happy Birthday sweet boy, you are loved more than you can imagine.

I have hope that someday,
When my child understands,
I'll set him on my lap annd then,
He'll ask me of God's plans,
In my own sweet daydream,
He'll lift his shirt up high,
And say,"mom am I different?"
And then, he'll ask me why?
I'll get the chance to share with him,
The long journey...before,
And tell him that he's very brave,
And God has plans in store.
I'll tell him of the battles,
That children like him face,
And how we must remember,
To always lean on grace.
That I have learned of courage,
Through the lives of those we've known,
And I am ever certain that,
We never walk alone.
That everyday's a miracle,
And life is to be treasured,
That hope and faith have brought us through,
And these things can't be measured.
And others are in heaven now,
(there lives tend to remind me)
That even when I run away,
Somehow son, God still finds me.
And when life seems to hard to bear,
And signs become easy to miss,
Brave little souls seem to whisper,
Have faith, you'll get through this.
Some may say your heart is weak,
And there are some things you will never do,
But you can do most anthing,
That you put your mind to.

I have hope that someday...
You'll do the same as me,
Your child will come running,
And you'll set them on your knee,
And lift your shirt for the hundedth time,
As your child says tell me the story,
About your very special heart,
And how it's brought God glory.
Tell me about your heart friends,
the ones that they just couldn't save,
And how your mommy told you that,
they were so very brave.
I imagine, you'll smile then,
(You smile all the time)
Then hold your child closely,
And say, Once upon a time...

Mothers can wish for such things,
it helps the heart to cope,
perhaps its even possible,
With faith,and love, and hope...

~Stephanie Husted

Ever wanna cry?

Do you ever wanna cry? Me? I have always been the "strong" one, there is no time to cry, I need to hold this together. I need to be stay focused. Life has been tough, but there is certainly no time for tears. It's been wearing on me lately, and I can't help but ask myself if the best thing you can do is just allow yourself a good "cry" every once in awhile. You know...the kind where your trying to catch your breath afterward for a good 15 minutes?
Braeden's trip to the cardiologist was "perfect". His heart function is great, he has minimal leakage in his tricuspid valve, and the his echo report showed no changes. I am thankful.
It seems that the stress of the last 5 years are catching up with me, don't get me wrong, every single time I allow myself to feel even a hint of sadness for our situation, I am quickly reminded of those no longer here with us... the children taken away by CHD far too soon. It is so unfair.
I often push my fears and worries deeper, not wanting to face them, wondering will the worry ever go away?
Just this morning I woke up still crying from a dream. I was on a bus talking to someone about Braeden's condition. After telling her that he has a heart condition,kidney issues,feeding problems, and delays...I heard laughter behind me. I turned around, and there was a teenage boy laughing at me. I knew in my dream that he was laughing at what I had just said(dreams are so funny that way)"What is so funny?" I asked him. "It's funny that your son will never be normal like me", he said. In real life, I am one of the most non-violent people that you could ever meet. I've never even been in a fist-fight in school. That did not stop me from pummeling this kid on the bus though.( in dreamland) And as I did, I can clearly remember saying,"How would you like to watch your friends children die from something that they cannot control? How would you like to see your own child suffer and know that you are helpless to prevent the pain? How would you like to wonder if you will bury your own child? I woke up with tears in my eyes, visibly shaken.. If you won't allow yourself a good cry... I suppose the way may well be paved for you. I feel a little better now, and I guess we all have our breakdowns every now and then...it is getting back up that matters most. Braeden will be 5 tommorrow...wow 5..I will be sure to make a post :)

I'm in the "boxing ring" of life,
there are no rules here,
I block each punch with all I have,
I must not show my fear,
But soon the punches come too fast,
My vision is impaired,
The fight goes on...as I grow tired,
(And just a little scared)
Surely I can take no more,
Im bruised,beaten and worn,
I must not give up on this fight,
Although my faith's been torn.
I raise my fist in victory,
this fight ain't over yet,
I have some strength left in reserve,
From all those I have met.
If they can stand in courage,
then maybe I can too,
I find a dose of bravery,
From all that they've been through.
My oppenents blows intensify,
His need to win seems stronger,
And I'm not sure that I can stand,
On these two feet much longer.
He throws a punch of doubt my way,
then follows it with spite,
Even with my best defense,
I cannot win this fight.
My hands fall down, my gloves come off,
I'm not sure what to do,
I hear a voice behind me say,
"Let me take those for you".
Why would this person want my gloves?"
I'm startled and undone,
The man throws down my soiled gloves,
And says, "This fight's been won".
Each blow meant to destroy you,
Each careless word once said,
I walked into that ring myself,
And took them in your stead.
"Oh Lord, I've grown accustomed,
To fighting everyday,
Sometimes I truly wonder if,
There is another way.
This is a challenge for me,
To lay aside my hands,
And place my fears with someone else,
Who knows and understands.

~Stephanie Husted

These things I have spoken to you that in ME you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation,but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

The Classroom

I had a dream the other night...
It seemed so very real...
I sat in a large classroom...
I thought...hey what's the deal?
I'm done with all these text books...
Exams and essays too...
I tried to get up from my desk...
But found...I stuck like glue.
I realized I was here to learn...
Or know,or find, or seek...
And so I opened up my mind...
To hear the teacher speak.
"If you could share your greatest trial"...
she said, with some dismay...
And write it down on just one page...
Tell me...what would you say?
I looked down at the desk before...
I found a single sheet...
Of paper that would hold my life...
Entirely... complete.
And so I picked my pencil up...
And began to compose...
The things I've found...
The things I've lost...
The life I had not chose...
I wrote of all the trials we've faced...
The worries,doubts and tears...
How everyday...it came complete...
With a set of brand new fears...
I wrote about these children...
Who bravely fight each day...
And teach us all so very much...
(And how some can't be with us today)
I wrote of all the times in life...
That I thought my faith had been taken...
But then I remembered another...
Who asked... God...have I been forsaken?
I filled the sheet with uncounted words...
Never realizing emotions within...
Hope and anger...joy and love...
I just didn't know where to begin...
And so my words came to and end..
Each paragraph and line...
I found I could not write..."The End"...
Right now...things are just fine.
And "now" has become adequite...
To see us through each day...
Tomorrow has it's own worries...
We've learned how to live for today...
And my child is a miracle...
With all that he's been through...
I addressed my letter carefully...
I wrote...Dear God, "Thank you".
Hope...it gives you new eyes...
Hope....sees the future as bright....
If you had only one sheet of paper...
Tell me... What would you write?

~Stephanie Husted

A letter to my son...

Some of life's most difficult decisions, are also the easiest...

I can still clearly remember a doctor telling my husband and I that we needed to make an important decision....the most difficult circumstance we had ever faced, brought with it, an amazingly simple choice. Would we give our unborn son a chance to live? Would we put him through three open heart surgeries? Hosital stays?A life of uncertainties?
Are you sure you want to do this? the doctor said placing his warm hands on mine. Having this child will change your life forever...indeed it has, and for that I remain most thankful.
There are times that I am at a loss for words. Quite recently as I tried to share with someone close to me, the intense feelings that so often accompany raising a child with a CHD. As she tried to compare it to her daughter's tonsillectmy...I sighed...then smiled. It is not always easy to understand. I do not fault her, in her mind, I suppose she was trying to empathize by comparison. I don't think I truly understood myself, until I held Braeden in my arms surrounded by wires, watched his tiny heart pumping from under a bandage, brought him home on oxygen, administered countless meds, worried over every cold, splattered purell on everyone like it was going out of style,handed him over for heart surgery once again, came close to losing him, and watched powerlessly as our dear heart friends fought bravely and lost their lives. If you have ever brought your child to the doctor and heaved the largest sigh of relief(out loud) just to hear that all is well, than I'm sure you know what I mean. So much more than a tonsillectmy...a choice, a life changed...a miracle.

To my son,

I write this as I wonder,
Will you ask someday?
Why do I have this scar mom?
Did God make me this way?
What will happen to me?
What does my future hold?
Will I hold my own children?
Then live until I'm old?
I think about your future,
Imagining what lies ahead,
Perhaps I need to concentrate,
On present things instead.

The present:

Right now you are enjoying life,
A typical mischievious boy,
You make us laugh...yes everyday,
And fill our hearts with joy.
And people often ask me,
So he's all better right?
His heart is fixed, he seems just fine,
His future's looking bright.
Yes, "He's doing well", I say,
I hope things stay this way,
I still fear for his future,
And every night I pray...
"Give me yet another day,
Keep my child strong,
I do not want to lose him Lord,
Please let his life be long.

Thank you...

Thank you Lord,
for showing me,
What just one child can do,
I marvel at his courage,
And the trials he's been through,
Thanks for your compassion
(And need I say it?...grace)
You've led me through each valley,
And you've brought me to this place.
A place where I'm not angry,
And it's easier to see,
That I was not the person,
That you wanted me to be.
Thank you for the trials Lord,
They've taught me how to give,
Thank you for my child Lord,
He's shown me how to live.

Did God make you this way?

I've asked myself this question,
A thousand times before,
Then it became a question that,
I just could not ignore.
God, He made you perfect,
Bestowing you with gifts to share,
God made you with his own hands,
Then numbered every hair.
He saw no imperfection,
Or heart...all rearranged,
He saw you...his well loved child,
And then he saw...lives changed.

The future...
The future is no place to live,
And neither is the past,
The present should be cherished,
As it truly goes too fast,
I don't know what your future holds,
Or what we'll have to face,
I know who holds us through each storm,
I know we lean on grace.
I know that life's not always fair,
I know God has a plan,
I know He gives us strength and hope,
I know, he says..."You can".

I write this as I wonder,
Will you ask me why?
Will you someday understand,
Just why we had to try?
Know, how very much your loved,
(Through every storm and strife)
Know, I wanted you to have,
A chance... to live your life.

~Stephanie Husted

"Miracles"

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”C.S. Lewis

I like to think that we are all part of a much bigger story, that we just cannot see yet. Faith is the window, and sometimes we all get a small glimpse into the eternal. That small glimpse is what I like to call a miracle. As most of you know already Tommy and Lindsay both received the gift of life this week... new hearts now beating strong. Both of them had been waiting for quite some time, and part of the miracle is in the fact that they received their new hearts just one day apart from eachother. They are both recovering well, but could definitely use your prayers in the days ahead, as there are always bumps along the way. I was able to visit with Tommy and Colleen yesterday, and I definitely got goosebumps while listening to her describe the events leading up to receiving his new heart. Simply amazing in so many ways. As he sat up in bed happily eating his fettuchine alfredo, I couldn't help but think wow...I really am witnessing a miracle.At the same time, it was just a few short weeks ago that our heart buddy Ethan entered his heavenly home, and the pain throughout our heart family is still very fresh. Ethan made his presence quite known throughout this last week, and we all miss him dearly. As you pray for Tommy and Lindsay, and both of the donor families, please remember the Bilpo family as well.Hug your children tightly, make time to tell them how much they mean to you, and open your eyes to miracles...because yes, they do still exist.
There were two very special friends,
Two hearts that life connected,
They shared not only hopes and dreams,
But a bond that most never suspected.
You see these two brave little boys,
Were friends right from the start,
As both of them came into this world,
Bearing a most special heart,
They shared a bond, quite unlike most,
They shared laughter galore,
Syringe fights...and encouragement,
But this story holds so much more...
As both were born with broken hearts,
That just didn't work as they should,
They'd lived this way for all their lives,
But had learned how to cherish the good,
They brought the gift of precious hope,
To many, I've no doubt,
And their lives have reminded me,
What friendship is about.
But then the saddest thing occurred,
As Ethan grew more tired,
And many prayed he would get well,
As his life had left them inspired.
But heaven became Ethan's home,
And God welcomed him with a smile,
He told Ethan, how loved he was,
Then He said, "You have faced quite a trial".
And as the angels took his hand,
To the place where all God's children play,
Ethan turned to God and said,
"Please don't forget Tommy, okay?".
"He's waiting for a perfect heart,
That only You can send,
Will you make sure he gets it?
He's been such a good friend.
God took Ethan's hands in his,
Compassion on His face,
Your heart is whole now Ethan,
You've shown amazing grace.
Your footprints will remain on earth,
With those you've had to part,
Your presence will remain with them,
Your friend will get his heart.
Some things must come through hardship,
Through patience, hope and strife,
That's why it is miraculous,
To get the gift of life.
"And Lindsay", Ethan whispered,
She needs a new heart too,
God just smiled and then He said,
"I'll see what I can do".
God sighed right then, I'm certain,
Touched by this bond of love,
I do believe he answered prayer,
Sending Tommy new life from above.
And Ethan played a special role,
From behind heaven's scenes,
And I remain reminded,
Just what true friendship means.
And miracles can still be found,
Within Mott's prayer filled walls,
The love of those within our hearts,
Still lingers, in these halls...

~Stephanie Husted




Tommy and Ethan sharing a story

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,What! You too? I thought I was the only one."C.S. Lewis

Who is your God?

Recent discussions between friends and family have seemed to bring this question to light. Who is God? and what is it exactly that he expects of me. Oh boy...I wish that I were the expert on this subject. If I had God's agenda for my life in an easy to read manuscript, things would undoubtedly be much easier. I don't have a manual, I do have His word. I don't have the answers, but I do have the guidance of His spirit(when I choose to listen) I am far from perfect, and find myself doubting his grace and mercy on more occassions than I care to admit. No, I am certainly not the "model' christian...but I am loved anyway. Isn't that the epithany of grace?
I once passed an underpass with the words, "Who is your God?" painted in an array of bright colors. After much thought and consideration....these are my thoughts....

Who is your God?

You say you believe...
in a God you can't see...
but I long to ask...
Is that only God me?
Or maybe you worship...
that God they call fear...
Walking in doubt..
wishing I would appear...
and take all your troubles...
and make the day shine...
then things would be perfect...
because you are mine.
But life is not easy...
and the rain keeps on falling...
and though you can't see me...
I still hear you calling.
I see every tear...
and I hear every prayer...
I feel every trial...
and I know every care.
Who is your God?
you must choose on this day...
you must tread your own journey...
you must find your own way.
Maybe your God...
is the cares of this life...
every day spent in worry...
every night spent in strife.
The baby is sick...
and your money is low...
the bills are all late...
You have nowhere to go...
God seems too far...
when things seem so wrong..
And though you are weak..
that is when He is strong...
Who is your God?
you must choose on this day..
you must tread your own journey..
you must find your own way.
I sit and I question...
on days like today...
why life is so hard...
how I wish I could pray..
But I find myself empty...
I find my soul still...
I stop for a moment...
Just to ask,"what's your will"?
The problems keep coming..
Oh Lord it's not fair!
The pain in my heart...
is just too hard to bear...
But when it seems darkest...
and I can't find your light...
I know that your with me...
You will make the wrongs right..
I don't know the whys...
for I can't see your ways...
But I know You are Lord...
and I will seek your face.
Who is your God?
You must choose on this day...
You must tread your own journey...
You must find your own way...
You are Lord in my heartbreak..
And Lord in my fears...
You are Lord in my laughter..
And Lord in my tears..
You are Lord on this journey...
Wherever it leads...
You are Lord of my life...
You will meet all my needs.
You ask me for faith..
So I choose on this day..
To give you my burdens...
please take them away!
As I walk on this journey...
as I do what I must...
I will know that I'm loved...
I will give you my trust.

John 6:68 But Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Happy Heart week...

Happy Heart week to our amazing heart children!
(CHD Awareness Week Feb. 7-14)

My fingers run along the line...
Upon my child's chest...
I ask him then...
"Who loves you"?
Why mommy...loves you best.
"Do you know your brave and strong"?
"And hope shines in your eyes"..
Do you know each day with you...
Is like a new sunrise?
I wonder if you understand...
Just how you've changed my heart..
My prayer to God will always be...
"Don't ever let us ever part".
Do you know...sweet son of mine...
How very loved you are?
I could search for all my lfe...
But I need not look far.
For beauty rests within my midst...
In the heart of one small boy...
You've overcome so very much...
And live each day with joy.
Who loves you most I ask again...
A whisper...in his ear....
Life has few sweet moments when...
Things seem so very clear.
Why mommy loves you silly boy...
She thinks you are the best...
You laugh at me in answer...
I know that I am blessed.

~Stephanie Husted