Sunday, August 3, 2008

In Loving Memory

Dear God,
When a little child leaves us....
Our first question is...Why?
Why not let this child live?
Why did he have to die?
How can such a thing occur?
Why couldn't he stay longer?
We have prayed for this sweet boy...
"Oh Lord help him grow stronger"...
And still he leaves this place on earth...
Despite each prayer and plea...
To join so many other's...
In sweet eternity...
His life has taught us many things...
His journey touched us so...
But why Lord must this happen?
Why did he have to go?

Beloved child,
Your pain has reached the heaven's child...
Please don't think I don't know...
How very much it hurts inside...
To let your child go...
He sits with me this very day...
In heaven up-above...
Surrounded by my angels...
But held still...by your love.
The doubts may always be with you...
And as I hear your cries...
I ask you to consider...
Some of the other "whys"...
Why did his smile light the room...
On the cloudiest of days?
How could he touch a multitude...
In oh so many ways?
Why does his courage guide you...
In ways you can't convey?
Why does his life remind us...
To love..to hope...to pray.
Heaven may seem far away...
Days and months and years....
A longing to see his sweet face...
And wash away your tears...
Have faith child...when I tell you...
Your not truly apart....
You hold a piece of heaven...
Forever in your heart.
Goodbye seems all to final...
"He's gone" just isn't true...
"He lives on in each of us"... I
n what we say and do...
"Why"....did we know a miracle?
Who brought us such great joy?
Why did we get a chance to meet...
This very special boy?
Sweetest child... special gift..
Loved beyond all measure...
Only for a little while...
For us to know and treasure.
Hold onto that most joyous day...
A tear,a smile, a sigh...
When he is in your arms again...
You'll never say...goodbye.

Stephanie Husted

In loving memory of Braylon Foerster


God provides some sunshine...
to help the flowers grow...
God provides some rainfall too...
For He wants us to know...
That though we cannot see him...
When the darkness closes in...
He is right beside us...
Just as he's always been.
God provides us laughter...
So we might enjoy all...
God provides us tears, and says...
"I hear you when you call."
God provides us children...
So our view of Him is clear.....
God provides us hope and faith...
And tells us not to fear.
God provides a place of rest...
where all things become new...
God has called it heaven...
(It's home to me and you)
God gave us a special gift...
His light still shining bright...
Corbin how we'll miss you...
(You've taught us how to fight)
Although our hearts are broken...
To know that your not here...
I think of all you've left behind...
(It makes your life so clear)
You have overcome Corbin...
You've faced each trial with stride...
And you have taught each one of us...
That yes, God does provide.
Tears because we miss you...
A smile for all that you've been...
A hug as a reminder...
We'll soon see you again.

In loving memory of Corbin Grabb(HLHS)

Jesus said I touched so many,
but my time on earth was through,
I know how much you miss me,
please know I miss you too.
Just wait until you get here,
You'll be so proud of me,
when you see how many live's were changed,
through hearing my story.
I did not lose this battle,
I just took Jesus hand,
remember I'm a fighter,
and try to understand.
I know you all feel helpless,
struggling to understand why?
Please try to remember I'm with you,
when you laugh, when you dream, when you cry.
I'm helping HIM prepare a place for us,
and someday you will see...
Although I am not with you now,
were still a family.
The Lord searched all the heavens..
Oh who would heed his call?
To touch the hearts of so many...
was Jerra Mia Hall.

In loving memory of fiesty Jerra Mia Hall(HLHS)

I watch you now from Heaven,
and the angels gather near,
asking who's that you are watching?
I say, "Hush now I can't hear".
So, they arch their heads a little,
wondering why I look so glad.
Then I smile and point, "It's them".
"It's my mama and my dad".
"I know they think about me",
"Sometimes struggling through the day",
"They want to wrap their arms around me",
"See me run and smile and play".
"Do they know that here in heaven",
"All the Father has in store"?
"That I do all of these things",
"Yes, these things, and so much more".
"I'm so lucky that I know them",
"And so blessed to call them mine".
"How I wish that I could tell them",
"That I watch them all the time".
Jesus said "It won't be long child",
"Just you wait and see",
"In the twinkling of an eye "
and you'll all be here with me".
"No more surgeries or doctors",
"No more tears, and no more pain".
"Just a family hand in hand",
"Walking through the summer rain".
"So when you think about me",
"as I know you often do",
"Do not think of me as gone",
"But as your child who waits for you"

Remembering Joey Kaiser(HLHS)


Hello my precious daddy,
and mommy of my heart,
I know how much your missing me,
since we have been apart.
I'm sitting in the Father's lap,
and basking in his light...
I can see the children playing,
and the angel's dressed in white.
God has a special bottle and,
he says it holds your tears,
he says he knows your missing me,
and understands your fears.
Heaven is so beautiful,
someday you'll be here too!
But Jesus says you can't come now,
there's far too much to do!
My life has touched so many,
they will never be the same,
And God loves them,like you love me,
he calls us each by name.
He held me when I got here,
I think I heard him weeping,
He showed to me that bottle,
that he says he has been keeping.
I looked at it and wondered,
how many tears could it contain?
He looked at me with gentle eyes,
so that he could explain.
"But Jesus how can ALL their tears...
"fit in this jar so small"?
"Oh child of mine, your tiny too..
"but mighty is your call"!
"I look not on the outward",
"for the inside holds great things"...
"Why just behold the miracle",
"that your short life still brings"..
"Yes, tears for you will fall each day",
"though not in the heavens above",
"but such great pain could only come"...
"from such amazing love".

Psalm 56:8 You number my wanderings, Put my tears into your bottle, Are they not in your book? Rev. 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes,there shall be no more death,nor sorrow,nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

Remembering Kylee Ladonna Boomsma(HLHS)

One day this will all make sense...
(at least that's what I'm told)
The trials that I face today...
Will all become as gold.
Refined in the fire of suffering...
Purified for His glory...
Changing me forever...
Becoming my testimony.
Sleepless nights of worrying...
Moments I can't cope...
Prayers that seem unanswered...
Will all turn into hope.
Messes become messages...
Sorrows become smiles...
The storm clouds start to dissapate...
Goodbye to earthy trials.
The sun begins to shine again...
I see no sign of rain...
Heaven must be beautiful...
And here, there is no pain.
There are no tears in heaven...
No... love prevails here...
I can't imagine living... Each day...
without my fear.
I think I hear a whisper from...
The Lord in all his glory...
He beckons me to come to him...
He wants to hear my story.
Refined in the fire...
And held all the while...
He knows me so well...
That I can't help but smile.
The tears are forgotten...
Just a bad memory...
And all that remains...
Is his great love for me.
I understand...I finally see...
Each storm that I've been through...
Has brought me to your waiting arms...
Has brought me home...to You.

In loving memory of Haley Harris(HLHS)

Heaven's Smallest Warrior(written for Kellen)


Heaven's smallest warrior...
Dropped his sword to the ground...
As other's thrust their gleaming blades...
He stopped...to look around.
He found a group of angels near....
And passed them with a nod...
He had no doubts within his mind...
He had to speak with God.
Through the trees so towering...
And down each dusty street....
He found a throne so radiant...
His mission was complete.
With courage he approached the throne...
Magnificent and vast...
"Well here's my little warrior"... God said,....
"You've come at last".
"What troubles you my warrior"?
"What did you come to ask"?
"Have you a battle yet to face"?
Or do you seek a task?
I long to fight a new battle...
The warrior said with a smile...
I long to fight down there on earth...
To face a human trial.
Where weapons aren't of metal...
And even victor's fall...
Where faith and hope and love remain...
The greatest things of all.
And should I face a battle...
I'll not face it alone...
I am a child of courage...
Sheltered,loved, and known.
So shall you go... My warrior...
Courageous,brave, and strong...
You long to be a miracle...
I've known...all along.
But things like hope, and faith, and love...
These things need to be learned...
Trials, tests and struggles come...
And then these traits are earned.
A rainbow shines AFTER a rainstorm...
And laughter comes AFTER great tears...
Courage is found only AFTER...
A person has faced their worst fears.
Hope is born from great despair...
And faith from disbelief...
And healing would not have it's place...
Without...sadness and grief.
Now go my little warrior...
God said...with some chargrin...
And know whatever you might face...
You are destined to win.
Remember what I've told you...
And strive to do what's right...
And know that life, above all things...
Is surely worth the fight.

~Stephanie Husted

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The heart of a father

A man walks through the double doors,
His eyes tell quite a story,
Although he has grown weary,
He still gives God the glory.
His child lives within these walls,
As many children do,
Look high up on the sign, you'll see,
That it says...ICU.
The nurses nod as he walks in,
And sets down all his things,
Although he knows what to expect,
Somehow it always stings.
He bends to kiss his sleeping child
His hands stroking soft hair,
And everyday the nurse can hear,
This tired father's prayer.

Lord, please watch my child today,
And let him know your here,
Give him strength so he can fight,
And calm his every fear.
Wrap your arms around him,
The way I wish I could,
Remind him just how much he's loved,
Remind him life is good.
I feel so very helpless,
Not sure what I can do,
I cannot even comprehend,
The things that he's been through,
Give me strength to fight for him,
And help me understand...
Help me to accept your will...
No matter what the plan.
Lord, I know you'll answer me,
And yes, I know you care,
Thanks again for hearing,
One father's heartfelt prayer.

If someone stopped to ask him,
Are things going alright?
He'd feel no need to mention,
He didn't sleep all night.
If we were given just a glimpse...
If we could see in part...
What thoughts and hopes are there to find,
Within this father's heart?

A heart father speaks....
My child has a heart defect...
Its "my job" to be strong...
And tell my wife things will be fine...
(And pray that I'm not wrong)
And still the bills need to get paid...
And things need to be done...
And it's so hard just sitting here...
"I want to hold my son!"
I lean down as I watch him breathe..
"Keep fighting", is my plea..
"I thought I'd teach you to be brave...
"But son, you have taught me".
I hear the beeping of machines...
(They help my child live)
I wish that I could take his place...
(There's nothing that I wouldn't give!)
To have the faith and strength I need...
To hold back all my tears...
To say I know he'll be okay...
Despite all of my fears...
I''ll only lose composure...
When no one's here to see...
I will be the "strong" one..
As I'm supposed to be.
A daddy says," Come to my arms...
I'll chase all those monster's away"...
I cannot change God's plan for him,
But I can hope and pray.
A daddy needs to cry sometimes...
And God must see right through...
That " tough daddy exterior"...
For He's a daddy too.

~Stephanie Husted

What is a CHD?

You passed me in the shopping mall...
(You read my faded tee)
You tapped me on the shoulder...
Then asked...`"What'a a CHD?"
I could quote terminology...
There's stats that I could give...
But I would rather share with you...
A mother's perspective.

What is it like to have a child with a CHD?
It's Lasix,aspirin,Captopril....
It's wondering...Lord what's your will?...
It's monitors and oxygen tanks...
It's a constant reminder...to always give thanks...
It's feeding tubes, calories, needed weight gain...
It's the drama of eating...and yes it's insane!
It's the first time I held him...(I'd waited so long)
It's knowing that I need...to help him grow strong...
It's making a hospital...home for awhile...
It's seeing my reward...in every smile.
It's checking his sats...as the feeding pump's beeping...
It's knowing that there... is just no time for sleeping...
It's caths,x-ays and boo boos to kiss...
It's normalcy...I sometimes miss...
It's asking...do his nails look blue?
It's cringing inside... at what he's been through.
It's dozens of call to his pediatrician...
(She knows me by name...I'm a mom on a mission)
It's winter's homebound...and hand sanitizer...
It's knowing this journey...has made me much wiser.
It's watching him sleeping...his breathing is steady...
It's surgery day...and I'll never be ready.
It's handing him over...( I'm still not prepared...)
It's knowing that his heart... must be repaired...
It's waiting for news...on that long stressful day...
It's ...praying...it's hoping...that he'll be okay.
It's the wonderful friends... with whom I've connected...
It's the bond that we share...it was so unexpected...
It's that long faded scar... down my child's small chest...
It's touching it gently...and knowing we're blessed...
It's watching him chasing...a small butterfly...
It's the moment I realized...I've stopped asking...why?
It's the snowflakes that fall...on a cold winter's day...
(They remind me of those...who aren't with us today)
It's a brave little boy...who loved Thomas the train...
Or a special heart bear...or a frog in the rain....
It's the need to remember...we're all in this plight....
It's their lives that remind us... we still need to fight!
It's in pushing ahead amidst every sorrow...
It is finding the strength to have hope for tomorrow.
And no...we'll never be the same... It's changed our family...
This is what we face each day... This is...a CHD.

~Stephanie Husted

Thank You

I tucked him into bed tonight...
(And adjusted his pillow and blankie....)
It's been a long exhausting day...
(And he sure has been cranky)
He threw every toy from his toy box...
And he tossed all his lunch on the floor...
He begged me to got out to play...
(He just wouldn't let go of the door...)
Most people cannot comprehend...
The things he has been through...
They tell me... "I just can't imagine..."
"How you do all the things that you do.
" I sigh... just because they don't realize...
How could they ever know?
Just what a precious gift it is...
To watch my child grow.
I still remember clearly...
Our days in ICU...
Hoping, praying, wondering...
What were you going through?
Stroking your hand...feeling helpless...
Whispering words in your ear...
"It's alright my baby"...
"Mommy is right here".
Helpless...scared...bewildered...
Wanting to just see you smile...
Thinking..."I"m not strong enough"...
To make it through this trial.
Knowing that... not all children...
Survive these surgeries...
Day by day...with patience...
Constantly praying...for peace.
And so...that is the "secret"...
To doing the things...I must do...
There is no perfect...inner strength...
I guess God brought us through.
And so...when I see... footprints...
All over my freshly mopped floor...
Or gooey dried bannana's...
Smudged on the living room door...
I wipe it off...with just a smile...
Just praying for more to appear...
These are my reminders...
I'm blessed to have him here.
I tucked him into bed tonight...
And as I walked away...
I looked up for a moment...and said...
"Thank you...for "today".

~Stephanie Husted

These Halls

Courage is not...
Standing tall with a smile...
It is still holding on...
In the midst of your trial...
Courage is not...
Putting on a pretense...
It is brutally honest...
When life makes no sense.
It's that fragment of hope...
That lies hidden away...
And the thought that perhaps...
You might use it one day.
Life is a challenge...
As is understanding...
Who are the courageous?
They are those still found standing.
Faith doesn't mean...
When the long day is done....
That you will be certain...
The battle's been won.
Faith doesn't promise...
To take all your fears...
And make you stand strong...
In the midst of your tears...
Faith is unseen...
It means knowing in part....
It can only be seen..
Through the eyes of your heart...
Faith is that step...
That you doubt you'll be taking...
It's the foothold of certain...
Right here in the making...
It's in seeing the never's...
But still holding tight...
It's in knowing that someday...
The wrongs will be right.
Hope doesn't promise...
That "happy" tomorrow...
It's the last thing to hold...
In the midst of your sorrow...
And sometimes it's tattered...
To the very last thread...
And you wonder if you...
Should just give up instead...
But hope says, "Go on"...
"I think you can make it"...
And somehow you do...
As you just cannot break it...
Behind these doors...
Within these walls...
Up a few floors...
Come roam these halls...
Love lives here...
And so does hope...
Day in day out...
As families cope...
Tears fall freely in this place...
As a new life unfolds..
That we wish to erase...
Fear and doubt can always be found...
In the eyes of the families...
All scattered around.
The unit is closed...
And tensions arise...
There's no need for words...
Only tears in our eyes.
That could be us...
I think with a sigh...
That's other's I've known...
I can't help but cry...
How can one place possibly be?
A place of both grief and security?
I've come to know these halls I roam...
Indeed it seems my second home...
No words I know could prepare you...
For life...inside this ICU...
Through the lobby...
Within these walls...
I only know...
God walks these halls.

~Stephanie Husted
Carry one another's burdens, and in this way you fufill the law of Christ.~Galatians 6:2

Braeden's journey...

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